Scotch Files: Where You Been Pt. II

I was reviewing the last list that I posted and figured that I needed to update the list.

The past 5 weeks I have been to:

NYC
St. Paul, MN
Vegas
Orlando (again)


Which leads me to a list (in no particular order) of pet peeves I have when flying:

1. I believe the reclining option of all seats should be discountinued. There is nothing more annoying that trying to use the tray table to get some work done or watch a movie then, the next thing you know you are staring at the top of someone's head. I try not to mind when a person takes their chair back one notch, but I hate being forced into a clusterphobic state when all of the room in front of me has been eliminated by the passenger in front of me.

2. Baggage Claim usually shows just how stupid people can get. I never understand why people stand on top (damn near literally) of the belt waiting for their bags. It gets to the point where if you are not right up on it yourself, you can't even see your bag. If people were smart, they would take two steps BACK so that everyone could see the belt. Then when you see your bag, you step up and grab it. How hard is that? There are some smart individuals in this world, but when you get people in groups, I swear they lose the little bit of intelligence they did have. Then folks wonder why we have an idiot for President.

3. Upon landing and the captain turning the seatbelt off, everyone jumps up like they have a chance to get off the plane first if they do. Huh? Common sense to idiot- You are on the 20th row! There is no need to jump up like a Leper touched your foot. Now granted, people have connections to make and sometimes you do need to get your OJ on, but I never get the feeling to rush off the plane only to go stand downstairs at the baggage claim for the next 30 minutes until you get your bags.

4. In one of the meal boxes you can buy on United flights, there is a can of tuna fish. United please remove it from the box. There is nothing worse than being on a 5-hour flight next to someone who just ate a can of tuna fish. It's the only time I ever wanted to use the vomit bag!

One time both of the people on my row got the tuna box. Here I am stuck at the window wishing I could somehow open it to get some fresh air without crashing the plane. Actually, crashing it might be the better choice. And I say this with all the humor in the world (Got that Mr. CIA/FBI/Homeland Security man watching what I am typing). The point is in a small space with lilmited "fresh" air, why serve something so aromatic as tuna?

5. People still complaining about flying in a post-911 world are pretty stupid. Of course it is a pain to have to almost strip down to your underwear, but what would you rather have happen? Another hijack attempt by some idiot trying to crash the plane by setting fire to his big toe or some type of safety standards to at least catch the dumbest of the terrorist network? And yes, we all hear the stories about how certain banned items got through, but tell me what process is a 100% all the time. The worst part is some idiots act surprised when they are told they can't travel with certain items.

TRUE STORY: A co-worker of mine had the pleasure of standing behind an idiot who was apparently also a ninja. This dude had nunchucks (sp?) and ninja stars in his carry-on and couldn't figure out why they were illegal? This is why we have laws- to protect the idiots from themselves! The "ninja" thought it was okay because he was a trained professional. Newsflash! The terrorists didn't learn how to fly by watching Soulplane!!! (Note: Obviously the movie came out after the attacks, but you get the point.) And if you noticed, I added the emphasis to ninja the second time because I seriously have to question his qualifications. I thought the first step to being a ninja was being stealth. Looks like this guy thought it was STUPID!

6. On the other side to #5 is the randomness of how certain items are deemed okay and others are not. I have a co-worker who does a lot fo arts & crafts. She is allowed to bring a small pair of scissors on the plane, yet it is still forbidden to bring nail clippers? I know that I am not a "ninja" and I am sure the Dept. of Homeland Security is smarter than me, but doesn't this seem a little backwards? Not even a little? Theoretically speaking (another disclaimer for the govt.), isn't it easier to assualt someone with scissors than a nail clipper? How exactly could I take over a plane with nail clippers? Would I have to convince the flight attendants that they should let me do their nails at which point I cut the nail so high that it begins to bleed? Then by default, they would all be in so much plane that I could head to the cockpit. Hell, by the time I did all of that, the next thing I would hear is, "Seatbelts fastened folks. We are now disending upon our destination." Then I would be thinking, "DAMN! I guess I would have to wait until my flight back to actually accomplish my mission." I know terrorists are patient, but I don't think any of them are that patient!



I am sure there are a few more. The next time I am in the airport, I am going to have to remember to write a list.