Company Expenses Pt.II

So if you hadn't picked up on this yet, my last company sucked when it came to traveling. Then they changed the policy just befor eI left, so I never really got to live the "good life" on them, LOL.

My new company is a lot more lenient on there BT (see note from yesterday) rules. We stay at nice hotels and aren't limited by a $35 per diem. We also can order a beer or three and not have to get it on a separate bill. We can expense it, word to the Drinking Gods!

Thus far, I have been sent to San Francisco, Orlando, Pasadena, and I'm leaving for San Diego tomorrow. And if I am lucky, Denver may be added to the list. Then if God really thinks I have been a good boy this year, I may be sent to Honolulu because of my experience in dealing with the military. *Thinks about all that I have done this year*...*scratches Honolulu off the list*... I can dream can't I?

So far the new company is A+ in allowing us to live a little while on the road. Which brings me to my reason for even writing about this subject matter. A co-worker of mine who works out of the Phoenix office emails me to ask this (in my humble opinion) extremely stupid question: Could you pick me up from the airport? Followed by the even dumber statement: I'm trying to save the company some money. Don't want to get a car just to park it. Good thinking, dumb thought! He was coming out here for a conference not too far from the office.

My response:

WHAT?

ARE YOU F*^&*^# SERIOUS?

DISCLAIMER: Of course these responses are in my head. I'm may be dumb, but I damn sure aint stupid. Playing the game is part of business, until you become THE MAN and can play by your own.

So anyway, I sit staring at my screen for like 15 minutes trying to think of a PC way to ask, "What the f*&% are you thinking?" My brain stalls so I settle on, "What time?" I don't want to do it, but this guy is cool and if I can help him out, I am going to try. The problem was, I have a part time and wasn't sure what my schedule would be 2 weeks later. Plus I was going to Pasadena myself on business, so I wouldn't be able to find out my schedule until the following Friday. So I convey my potential complication and suggest that maybe I will be able to pick him up on Thursday, so he can visit the office.

So I go to Pasadena and while I am at the show, I check my email. This dude emails me on Wed. asking if I will be able to pick him up again? So I kinda bite my lip in that perplexed way where you stare off to the side, looking at nothing, but wondering WTF. I email back a reminder that I am out of town and had not had the opportunity to check my schedule for the following week. I get back Friday and am too tired to go check my schedule. I have to work Saturday anyway, why not just wait til then.

Monday rolls around and I email the dude telling him Monday isn't going to work. Why, you ask? Because I didn't feel like waiting to pick the dude up at 8PM, then drive 20 minutes to Baltimore to drop him off, then turn around and drive back to the DC metro. F*^% that. Plus the Miss USA pageant was going on live and I wanted no piece of that traffic. I also tell him, Thurs. isn't going to work either cause I am leaving Thurs. to go to San Diego and need the time to catch up form last week and prepare for 3 more days out of the office. Becuase the dude wanted me to pick him up at 1PM, drive another 30 minutes back to the office and then we could go to the airport at the same time. Now granted, I did offer to do the Thurs. thing, but that was before the mofo told me he was going to be finished 1.5 hours before I need to be at the airport myself.

I got a response email late Monday night saying he expected me not to pick him up. Then I get a call around noon wanting to know if I had contacted anyone else to pick him up to visit the office. *insert perplexing look here*... and add a HUH? to the equation. I'm seriously doubting this guy's mental capacity at this point. I am beginning to wonder if that missing front tooth was the source of his intellect. (Sidebar: See why I'm not going to Honolulu, LOL)

Back to the story: So somehow because I wasn't able to pick him up, I was then suppossed to find another way for him to get to the office? Are you picking up where I am going with this? Then he makes the comment about people in the office wanting to see an update on one of our products.

So here's the problem(S) I have with all of this:
1. Saving the company on rental car fees is not going to get you any notice. Not even a pat on the back when you turn in that expense report. Now if you find a way to save the company money on it's production costs or something on a big scale like that, then and only then, will you be a company hero!
2. If the there are people here who specifically wanted to see what you have been working on, then talk to them about getting you a ride.
3. If I tell you I am only going to be in the office 5 days over the next 3 weeks, then you might need to understand I have real sh!t to do (like typing these long ass blogs, LOL) and not concern me with that dumb shit that could have easily been resolved by you getting a rental.

If you happened to have wasted 5 minutes of your life reading this, the moral of the story is: Common sense is becoming uncommon by the minute. If you have it hold onto it like a fat lady's buttons on a too small shirt. If you don't have it, here's to hoping you have big tits and a phat ass (for the women) and a big bank account (for the men).