Scotch Files

The ups and downs of being a famous Mike

Depending on which side of the accusations you were on, you are either happy, frustrated or I guess, indifferent to Mike Jackson being free. As much as I wanted to see Mike remixing Akon's "Locked Up," I knew the witness just wasn't credible enough. In addition, the mom was a noted schiester and the DA obviously had a personal vendetta against Mike. Add it all up you get Mike walking out of the courthouse without a back pain in the world. HINT! HINT!

I still think Mike might have been better served doing some time. It would give him a much-needed sense of reality. I was going to start taking bets on his "bitch name" in jail. My favorite with 2:1 odds was "Dirty Diana!"

There are reports that Mike will no longer have kids in his room for sleepovers, but do crackheads really need to go to a crackhouse to get high? Just the fact that he had to state the obvious is reason for concern. Here's to more people quitting their jobs to be full time Mike Jackson trial supporters!

So I guess the question for Jackson is- What's Next? Can he get Sony to let him release another album. Oh wait, he called Mottola a racist? (SIDE NOTE: What do you call it when a racist and a pedophile are in cohoots? Anwser below.) And he owes them millions for that wonderfully entitled album, "Invincible!" Maybe he was just being prophetic about being the new "Teflon Don" of the courtroom. Maybe the boy just gave Mike "Butterflies!"

A friend of mine suggested that Mike has an offer to headline in Vegas for Trump for $80 or so million dollars/ year. If I were Mike, I would be sch-moning my way to Vegas immediately. At least in Vegas, their is a nice community of weirdos he could blend in with. And of course there is always their slogan of, "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas." I wonder though, what happens if you actually stay in Vegas yourself?

One thing I know for sure is that the Michael Jackson saga is far from over. Stay tuned for the next event, but in the meanwhile place your, "Michael Jackson is Innocent" and "Billy the Kid is Not His Lover" posters in storage. You may need them in another 10-12 years.



On to Another Famous Mike:
Everyone's favorite trainwreck in progress had DC full of excitement last weekend. Stars from all over came to town to host celebrity parties. It was like All-Star 2001 all over again.

Too bad for anyone that wasted their money on Mike though. The good thing is, you will have the opportunity to do it again in about two years when Mike fights again. If we're lucky, maybe we can get a four man tournament with Tyson, Larry Holmes, George Foreman and Evander Holyfield. Special guest referee: Cassius Clay! It would be great. Kind of like the "Kings of Comedy" only in boxing. Disclaimer: Steve Harvey hair piece optional.

Each fighter would give an interview to be judged by a panel of other non-English speakers featuring Magic Johnson, Buckwheat and George Bush. After the press conference, they would fight- No Holds Barred. Tyson could put poison in his facial tattoo and head butt the competition while Foreman uses his grill or Meineke brakes. Evander could use one of his 15,000 kids and Holmes could hide contraband in his hightop fade. Tell me that shit wouldn't be great trainwreck tv. I need to work for a network.


In other funny news...
Anyone see the tape of the lady getting tazed. This happens to be one of those issues where I think race is absolvent. Based on the tape, the cop asked her a few times to get out of the car. Apparently, she wasn't finished talking on the cell phone quite yet, so she got tazed. I do however think the second tazing was a bit much. It is highly possible that the shock of the first tazing momentarily paralyzed her and did not allow her to move unto her stomach. The fact remains though that she did not follow his initial orders.

In this day and age when obviously guilty people walk away unscathed from the injustices they have committed, now is not the time to play smart ass with the cops. Maybe she didn't realize that Rodney King's right's violaters walked away free. Maybe she failed to realize that cops can shoot people in New York and Cincinati and walk. Or maybe she just was a smart ass that tested the limit and paid the consequence.


There was a lot more I wanted to post, but I ran out of time. I'll try to finish up tomorrow.





Answer to the trivia question: Elvis Preseley.