Throwback Thoughts

I found a collection of things I had written on a BP page I had a few years ago. Some of them aren't as funny as I once thought. Some are just interesting because they kind of serve as a time stamp in my life. Hate them or Love them...

I`ve come to the realization that people want YOU to be a "team player" when THEY need you!



A customer at my [old] part time job asked me for a "sit-down" bike. But he got offended when I was like, "So you don`t want a 'stand-up' one?"


Time for Celebration...
The TWO best times to be a midget are CHRISTMAS & ST. PATRICK`s DAY!

Why? Two words: elves & leprechauns!



Whatever happened to home training? While it`s fuuny as hell, I`m tired of seeing parents getting cussed out by their kids!



Just After 9/11:
It`s been funny to see Middle Easterners with like a million AMERICAN flags on their cars & houses! I was in 7-11 one time and I asked the dude behind the counter, "How`s everthing going?" Dude started screaming "I LOVE AMER-RICA!! I LOVE AMER-RICA!!" I was okay, me too! But all I really wanted was a big bite.



I’m TIRED of SEEING…
People walking around the club for 2-3 hours with an empty bottle of Moet. If you were a real balla you wouldn’t need an empty bottle!



You ever been a club looked at somebody dancing and wondered what song they’re listening to? You see them mouthing the words, but their body indicates a whole different song.



Two things that don`t make sense...

A bird being scared of heights and a boater who can`t swim! I was watching a sports bloopers show and there was one in which a yacht was sinking and one of the crew members didn`t know how to swim! I was like WTF! That`s like skydiving without knowing how to pull the parachute chord!



equality...
Can you really talk about someone else who is in the same predicament as yourself--whether you like them or not! For instance, one of the girls that braids my hair was like "Look at that fat b!tch, She knows she needs to take that off her fat ass!" Then I looked at the chick braiding my hair and was like, "Hey dumbass, THAT`s A MIRROR! You were looking at yourself!"




Tips on Getting a Job:

If you have a hard time pronouncing easy words and names, then maybe--just maybe-- you shouldn`t apply to be a receptionist! The one at my [old] job can`t pronounce the word "THE" without stumbling over it at least once.



Why do bathroom doors have the PULL handle on the inside? Check it out... Going into some bathrooms you push the door to get in, but then after you`ve washed your hands (I hope everyone does!), you have to pull the door to get out. I know some of yall are like use the paper towel, but what about the bathrooms with those dryers? It seems to me that the pull would be on the outside and that the push would be on the inside! Let me know...