Company Expenses Pt.II

So if you hadn't picked up on this yet, my last company sucked when it came to traveling. Then they changed the policy just befor eI left, so I never really got to live the "good life" on them, LOL.

My new company is a lot more lenient on there BT (see note from yesterday) rules. We stay at nice hotels and aren't limited by a $35 per diem. We also can order a beer or three and not have to get it on a separate bill. We can expense it, word to the Drinking Gods!

Thus far, I have been sent to San Francisco, Orlando, Pasadena, and I'm leaving for San Diego tomorrow. And if I am lucky, Denver may be added to the list. Then if God really thinks I have been a good boy this year, I may be sent to Honolulu because of my experience in dealing with the military. *Thinks about all that I have done this year*...*scratches Honolulu off the list*... I can dream can't I?

So far the new company is A+ in allowing us to live a little while on the road. Which brings me to my reason for even writing about this subject matter. A co-worker of mine who works out of the Phoenix office emails me to ask this (in my humble opinion) extremely stupid question: Could you pick me up from the airport? Followed by the even dumber statement: I'm trying to save the company some money. Don't want to get a car just to park it. Good thinking, dumb thought! He was coming out here for a conference not too far from the office.

My response:

WHAT?

ARE YOU F*^&*^# SERIOUS?

DISCLAIMER: Of course these responses are in my head. I'm may be dumb, but I damn sure aint stupid. Playing the game is part of business, until you become THE MAN and can play by your own.

So anyway, I sit staring at my screen for like 15 minutes trying to think of a PC way to ask, "What the f*&% are you thinking?" My brain stalls so I settle on, "What time?" I don't want to do it, but this guy is cool and if I can help him out, I am going to try. The problem was, I have a part time and wasn't sure what my schedule would be 2 weeks later. Plus I was going to Pasadena myself on business, so I wouldn't be able to find out my schedule until the following Friday. So I convey my potential complication and suggest that maybe I will be able to pick him up on Thursday, so he can visit the office.

So I go to Pasadena and while I am at the show, I check my email. This dude emails me on Wed. asking if I will be able to pick him up again? So I kinda bite my lip in that perplexed way where you stare off to the side, looking at nothing, but wondering WTF. I email back a reminder that I am out of town and had not had the opportunity to check my schedule for the following week. I get back Friday and am too tired to go check my schedule. I have to work Saturday anyway, why not just wait til then.

Monday rolls around and I email the dude telling him Monday isn't going to work. Why, you ask? Because I didn't feel like waiting to pick the dude up at 8PM, then drive 20 minutes to Baltimore to drop him off, then turn around and drive back to the DC metro. F*^% that. Plus the Miss USA pageant was going on live and I wanted no piece of that traffic. I also tell him, Thurs. isn't going to work either cause I am leaving Thurs. to go to San Diego and need the time to catch up form last week and prepare for 3 more days out of the office. Becuase the dude wanted me to pick him up at 1PM, drive another 30 minutes back to the office and then we could go to the airport at the same time. Now granted, I did offer to do the Thurs. thing, but that was before the mofo told me he was going to be finished 1.5 hours before I need to be at the airport myself.

I got a response email late Monday night saying he expected me not to pick him up. Then I get a call around noon wanting to know if I had contacted anyone else to pick him up to visit the office. *insert perplexing look here*... and add a HUH? to the equation. I'm seriously doubting this guy's mental capacity at this point. I am beginning to wonder if that missing front tooth was the source of his intellect. (Sidebar: See why I'm not going to Honolulu, LOL)

Back to the story: So somehow because I wasn't able to pick him up, I was then suppossed to find another way for him to get to the office? Are you picking up where I am going with this? Then he makes the comment about people in the office wanting to see an update on one of our products.

So here's the problem(S) I have with all of this:
1. Saving the company on rental car fees is not going to get you any notice. Not even a pat on the back when you turn in that expense report. Now if you find a way to save the company money on it's production costs or something on a big scale like that, then and only then, will you be a company hero!
2. If the there are people here who specifically wanted to see what you have been working on, then talk to them about getting you a ride.
3. If I tell you I am only going to be in the office 5 days over the next 3 weeks, then you might need to understand I have real sh!t to do (like typing these long ass blogs, LOL) and not concern me with that dumb shit that could have easily been resolved by you getting a rental.

If you happened to have wasted 5 minutes of your life reading this, the moral of the story is: Common sense is becoming uncommon by the minute. If you have it hold onto it like a fat lady's buttons on a too small shirt. If you don't have it, here's to hoping you have big tits and a phat ass (for the women) and a big bank account (for the men).

Company Expenses

Part of my job is traveling throughout the country for tradeshows. Business traveling is like the gift and the curse.

The Gift:
-You get to go somewhere else for "free." Depending on the temp. where you are and where you are going, this can be a wonderful thing. Ex. I left the Metro DC area a week ago, while Noah Jr. was finalizing the blueprints on the Arc Remix, headed to sunny southern California.
-Depending on your travel budget, you may stay in a very nice hotel
-The company pays for your dinner
- Nice to be out of the office for a few days
-So many more...

The Curse:
-Sometimes constant travel just down right sucks. Late flights, lost luggage and adjusting to a new bed every week can grow tiresome very quickly.
-If their is a contingency from your company, you are pretty much stuck with them for the entire trip. Breakfast, luch and dinner with co-workers who give you a nervous tick after so much exposure to them in their "off" time
-The emails and work pile up while you are gone
-Too many more, I don't feel like mentioning

My personal experiences on business travel:

I have seen the good, bad and the "I wish I could forget" on business travel. My first trip was to San Diego. It was Dec. out here in the east, so I was highly excited about getting out there to some sunshine and warm weather. I also was looking forward to visiting some family and friends out there. The trip was one of the best business travel (BT from here on out, I am getting tired of typing all those letters.) experiences I have had. I stayed at the Wyndham hotel in downtown San Diego. My room overlooked the bay and it was a lovely sight to wake up to.

My next trip consisted of a two-city tour of North Carolina visitng two military bases for tradeshows. First was Ft. Bragg in Fayettville, then Camp LeJeune in Jacksonville. I'm not sure if it is like this outside every base, but there were nothing but tattoo parlors and pawn shops, LOL. It's an interesting sight, but when you think about it it makes sense.

The following year, I did the same trip only this time there was another town and base added to the "tour." That wasn't the worst part though. My company had gotten strict (READ: extremely cheap) on their travel policy and I was forced to share a room with my co-worker. Luckily, it was one of the guys I could stand, but damn if I didn't know so much more than I needed to about the guy. I didn't need to know that we prefered briefs to boxers nor the way he snores. But I refused to spend $200+ dollars out of my Ghandi-like pocket to get my own room. I was getting paid peanuts and refused to use the little I had on a non-recuperable business expense.

Four days and three nights. By the end of the trip, I wanted to hit the dude in his face like it was '87 and he was my little brother that kept following me after I had repeatedly told him to stop. Seriously! Every work-related story he told, he and his brother-in-law had saved the company's day. Of course, all this grand standing was due to a lovely female co-worker who was on the trip with us. What is funny though, is that he never mentioned that the only reason he got AND KEPT his job was because his brother-in-law gave him prospective information and closed his deals for him, LOL. Great guy, but the over exposure was suffocating. It was like the company was doing an experiment in human nature and we were the guinea pigs. They probably had bets that the "angry black man" within was going to surface and that his Paezan instinct was going to have manifest and he would end whacking me like Ralphie on the 'Pranos.

Then the mofo wanted to stop 5 exits away from home to get a good meal cause he thought the company owed it to him. And it had to be a sit-down restaurant. Wait and all. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for draining the company for every dollar of it's allotted per diem, but why the hell do you wait until we are almost home?

More tomorrow...