More Scotch Files

Some Things Should Be Avoided at All Costs
In the ever changing or blurring of gender roles comes this new report about it being okay for babies to suck on their dad's nipples during the "sucking phase" of a child's development. Forget what the report says this just seems wrong on so many levels. Why in the world should we be subjected to seeing a baby sucking on their father's nipples just because the mom is not around. Isn't that one of the greatest reasons pacifiers were invented? Is this a plot to deny babies the privelege of sucking on plastic nipples? There a whole lot of grown men who pay heavily for the opportunity to mouth a plastic nipple, but that's a topic for a different post and someon'e elses blog.

Seriously, I think even the most whipped dude would contend this suggestion. And I love the fact that they had to plainly interate, "This story is not about producing milk, but strictly calming the baby with the father's breast." I guess that was a disclaimer for all the pedophile dads and baby sitters out there. Funny how this comes out a few days after a certain trial.

Here's to the hope that men stand up for themselves and veto this suggestions. Ladies you have been warned- leave the baby nipple interaction between YOU and hte baby.

A Day in the Life of A Couple Lotto Winners

Donna Goeppert of PA just won her second million dollar prize THIS YEAR! I really don't have any comments to add to this. Just an amazing thing that I am going to add to my list of jealousy. Right behind not getting to be Martin Luther King in the 5th grade Black History program. I still don't know how I lost to the stuttering kid!

Another winner, Paul Duke, who happened to win the second-largest single-ticket Powerball history is looking to take his winnings to billionaire status. Quite a noble task. Usually folks go plum crazy and end up broke and on the brink of suicide. Knowing little about investing, I wonder what how aggressive his investments will have to be to take $80+ million to a billion. When I initially started reading the article I thought he netted $200 million and thought that a billion would be in reach. Maybe after his talk show and reality series appearance he will drop an album, "Get Richer or Die Tryin"

The Real Jack Bauer

Apparently, CTU really does exist. Recently, George Bush took a tour of the real Counterterrorism Center. I have been staring at my screen thinking of things to be said about this place and who was on the tour, but considering my close proximity to Northern Virginia I will refrain. I made a promise to myself that I was going to get a pair of Jordan tennis shoes before I die. As a matter of fact, maybe I should just go buy some now. Just in case.

*still looking at screen*

F it! There is one thing I will say. I wonder if there is a reason that 24 comes on Fox. Since Bush is trying to force his "I am the War President" and "Eliminator of Terrorism" agendas on the world, I wonder if one of his favorite ass kissing corporations, News Corp. (who owns Fox) is doing him a favor. Maybe I just have too much time on my hands.

Scotch Files

The ups and downs of being a famous Mike

Depending on which side of the accusations you were on, you are either happy, frustrated or I guess, indifferent to Mike Jackson being free. As much as I wanted to see Mike remixing Akon's "Locked Up," I knew the witness just wasn't credible enough. In addition, the mom was a noted schiester and the DA obviously had a personal vendetta against Mike. Add it all up you get Mike walking out of the courthouse without a back pain in the world. HINT! HINT!

I still think Mike might have been better served doing some time. It would give him a much-needed sense of reality. I was going to start taking bets on his "bitch name" in jail. My favorite with 2:1 odds was "Dirty Diana!"

There are reports that Mike will no longer have kids in his room for sleepovers, but do crackheads really need to go to a crackhouse to get high? Just the fact that he had to state the obvious is reason for concern. Here's to more people quitting their jobs to be full time Mike Jackson trial supporters!

So I guess the question for Jackson is- What's Next? Can he get Sony to let him release another album. Oh wait, he called Mottola a racist? (SIDE NOTE: What do you call it when a racist and a pedophile are in cohoots? Anwser below.) And he owes them millions for that wonderfully entitled album, "Invincible!" Maybe he was just being prophetic about being the new "Teflon Don" of the courtroom. Maybe the boy just gave Mike "Butterflies!"

A friend of mine suggested that Mike has an offer to headline in Vegas for Trump for $80 or so million dollars/ year. If I were Mike, I would be sch-moning my way to Vegas immediately. At least in Vegas, their is a nice community of weirdos he could blend in with. And of course there is always their slogan of, "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas." I wonder though, what happens if you actually stay in Vegas yourself?

One thing I know for sure is that the Michael Jackson saga is far from over. Stay tuned for the next event, but in the meanwhile place your, "Michael Jackson is Innocent" and "Billy the Kid is Not His Lover" posters in storage. You may need them in another 10-12 years.



On to Another Famous Mike:
Everyone's favorite trainwreck in progress had DC full of excitement last weekend. Stars from all over came to town to host celebrity parties. It was like All-Star 2001 all over again.

Too bad for anyone that wasted their money on Mike though. The good thing is, you will have the opportunity to do it again in about two years when Mike fights again. If we're lucky, maybe we can get a four man tournament with Tyson, Larry Holmes, George Foreman and Evander Holyfield. Special guest referee: Cassius Clay! It would be great. Kind of like the "Kings of Comedy" only in boxing. Disclaimer: Steve Harvey hair piece optional.

Each fighter would give an interview to be judged by a panel of other non-English speakers featuring Magic Johnson, Buckwheat and George Bush. After the press conference, they would fight- No Holds Barred. Tyson could put poison in his facial tattoo and head butt the competition while Foreman uses his grill or Meineke brakes. Evander could use one of his 15,000 kids and Holmes could hide contraband in his hightop fade. Tell me that shit wouldn't be great trainwreck tv. I need to work for a network.


In other funny news...
Anyone see the tape of the lady getting tazed. This happens to be one of those issues where I think race is absolvent. Based on the tape, the cop asked her a few times to get out of the car. Apparently, she wasn't finished talking on the cell phone quite yet, so she got tazed. I do however think the second tazing was a bit much. It is highly possible that the shock of the first tazing momentarily paralyzed her and did not allow her to move unto her stomach. The fact remains though that she did not follow his initial orders.

In this day and age when obviously guilty people walk away unscathed from the injustices they have committed, now is not the time to play smart ass with the cops. Maybe she didn't realize that Rodney King's right's violaters walked away free. Maybe she failed to realize that cops can shoot people in New York and Cincinati and walk. Or maybe she just was a smart ass that tested the limit and paid the consequence.


There was a lot more I wanted to post, but I ran out of time. I'll try to finish up tomorrow.





Answer to the trivia question: Elvis Preseley.

More Random Thoughts...

- So as soon as I say TO has been quiet, he goes on Sportcenter last night and says something. Not sure what it was because I was asleep. I personally am sitting on the fence with this one. Both sides have valid reasons to take their particular stances. My thing is why couldn/t TO and his new agent Drew Rosenhaus kept it out of the media? Typically, agents/ players or even prosecutors (ex. the Mike Jackson case)will make things public to influence or gain favorable public opinion. And that is what makes their plan a head scratcher to me. Having just signed a lucrative contract last year, the average Joe is not going to understand or even fathom why he needs a new contract.

The only thing I could think of is that they intended to back Philly in a corner to where they eventually ended up releasing him or trading him. At which point anew team would gladly sign him to the contract he feels he deserves.

If there is anyone out there that could pull this "miracle" it is Rosenhaus.

- I met a lady who happens to be a smoker. She works for the Cancer Society of America. Not sure why, but I find that very interesting. Kind of like when you see medical doctors smoking.

- The NBA Finals start tonight. Right now I am guessing the Spurs in 6. I just think they will be the first to 50, an important number being that the final will be 51-48.

Mike Tyson fights this Saturday in DC. Should be a great event. Not because Mike is on the card, but because Lalah Ali is going to pummel another chick. Nothing like a beautiful young lady beating the crap out of a less attractive young lady.

I will give Mike this though. The press conference was funny. Whoever that guy he told, "You're going to get Kevin killed," and "Just go sit down," that was pure Mike Tyson comedy. Here's to hoping he beats the guy into blivion. (Note that "O" that is missing was purposely neglected to Mike because it reminds him of all the 0s he is in debt.)

- "Fire Me Please" is must watch TV! It was great to watch these people act like idiots trying to get fired from their job. It also gives me hope that some of these idiots I work with are pretending so they can win the $25,000 purse. Just Kidding!

In all actuality, I would love to be on a show like this. Not sure how it would work for a black dude though. Not trying to through race in the middle of this... well actually I am. I don't necessarily think a black male could do some of the things I saw the dude do in the coffee shop. Especially when the police came.